Reconciliation

Reconcile has a few different definitions in the dictionary. The definition that I'm using is from a Webster dictionary we have at my house.

reconcile: to bring together again in love or friendship

Reconciliation is something that has been talking about a lot in my life recently, and I've thought long and hard about what it means to reconcile. I think that many times when people reconcile with each other it is a false reconciliation. it is quite sad that this occurs, but I think that it occurs often. I've thought of a rather complex scenario that explains what I mean.

Setting the stage:
Let's say Jane Doe gets pregnant with John Smith. Jane decides to get an abortion, but John does not want her to. Jane and John decide to reconcile their differences.

Scenario 1: Jane gets the abortion and John is forced to deal with the regret of not protecting his unborn child. John and Jane might still talk to each other and be friends, but John does not feel reconciled to his child. He feels much guilt because he did not love and serve his littlest of neighbors. Jane feels reconciled because John does not seem angry with her, but John is not reconciled at all.

Scenario 2: Jane does not get the abortion. She reconciles with John by receiving child support for their baby. Either Jane or John could feel reconciled, but again the gift of parents that God has given the baby is not being protected so the 4th commandment is in play here (as well as the initial 6th commandment of adultery). John might feel angry that he has to pay child support or he might feel angry that he does not have a part in his baby's life. Jane might feel angry because she does not have support from John. There is not a true reconciliation here either.


When it comes to real issues in life, things are not easy. The only way that things can truly be reconciled in any situation is for repentance and forgiveness to take place. The interesting thing about life is that while we are often told that things are not black and white, they are. In this scenario it is obvious that Jane and John broke the 6th commandment (adultery) which led to the 5th commandment (murder) and to the 4th commandment (which serves to protect those under authority as well as give authority to those in authority). Reconciliation is not something that is found in continually breaking commandments. True reconciliation happens when repentance occurs followed by forgiveness.

Now leaving that scenario.

Many conflicts that occur have to do with a commandment being broken somewhere. Often times one side or both sides are not willing to repent of their sin. Sometimes, they don't know that they have sinned. In love, our neighbors might bring to light our sins. This is truly a loving thing to be told that you are sinning. It is in that that one can see their need for repentance and can ask for forgiveness.

It is not easy to be told that you are sinning though. As sinners we often deny our own sin and point the finger at the messenger. We don't want to know that we are not perfect. We do not want others to know that we are not perfect. It is not fun at all to be seen as a sinner.

Another problem that I see happen when people try to reconcile is that the party breaking the commandment tells the party who is NOT breaking the commandment that they are wrong and need to repent because they are hurting the other group by their meanness. (An example of this is when we are told that we should be "tolerant" of homosexuality and by saying that it is sinful we need to repent to our homosexual neighbors of our meanness. The word tolerant here does not mean to allow someone who desires to continue sinning to continue because even after they are told they are sinning they refuse to repent, but to instead embrace the sin as, well, not sin, and claim that it is a good and right thing.) This is not reconciling. To love one's neighbor is not to allow them to continue to sin and say that their sin is not a sin because it sounds "mean."

Repentance is a good thing. It is a turning 180 degrees from our sin. It is turning to the cross where Christ died. It is there that we find forgiveness, won for us on the cross, applied to us in our baptism. The cross is where Christ reconciles us to God. We are indeed brought together again in love.

This world is not perfect and us living in it are not perfect. We will continue to sin until we die or our Savior returns. Reconciliation with our neighbors is good. We should desire to be right with them, to no longer sin against them. As baptized Christians we also desire to be right with God. We repent of our sins and rest assured knowing that Christ has indeed washed us clean.