On Being a Pastor's Wife

Since my husband was ordained, we've been at 3 congregations, each of which have very different personalities. Today I read about being a pastor's wife on a couple of different blog posts, and I thought that I'd put my two cents in.

First of all, I love being a pastor's wife. One reason I chose the college that I did was because I wanted to be a pastor's wife, and I figured the best way to marry a pastor was to meet a future pastor in college. That worked out well for me, obviously.

Here are some things I've learned while being a pastor's wife:
1. It isn't always easy.
2. It isn't always hard.
3. When it is hard, find someone to talk to.

If you are a member of a congregation there are some things that you can do to help a pastor's wife when she first moves to town.
1. Invite her to things, but don't expect her to go. (For example: If she is a mom of little ones, let her know that you go to a mother's group and invite her. At my first congregation, I was there for 10 months before ever meeting another mother. It was very hard. Thankfully, a new member joined who introduced me to MOPS.)
2. Ask her if she is finding her way around town. Tell her that you are happy to recommend hair stylists, grocery stores, doctor's offices etc. (At my current congregation, a friend took me around my neighborhood and let me know that I could call her if I needed to find anything.)
3. During her first weeks, it might be nice to give her a meal. She is trying to unpack and a meal might be just what she needs. (Or when she is sick or has a baby. Thankfully, I've had some really caring congregations that helped out a lot!)
4. Introduce yourself...several times. She has a lot of names to learn.
5. When events come up at church, tell her about them, in enough detail. She doesn't know this special rule or that special rule, remember she is new.
6. Tell her about things that go on in town. Does your town have a special event every year? 

If your pastor's family has been in your congregation a while and knows the ins and outs, here are some things you can do for her.
1. Pray for her.
2. Talk to her.
3. Consider where her extended family lives. (If she is living away from her family, she likely does feel like an outsider at times. She can't go home on the weekends to visit family because that would fall on Sunday.)
4. Invite her to things, but don't expect her to go.

Mainly, remember that your pastor's wife is just like you. She is a sinner and will mess up, just like you. She is a baptized child of God, just like you. She has a husband and perhaps children to care for at home. She may have a job. She may be a housewife. There are things she likes. There are things she does not. Just like you. 


And if you are a pastor's wife, remember, you are just like them. It is not really a them or us mentality that we should have. You see, when they are new to town or new to your congregation they also need someone to tell them where things are, what the ins and outs are of community and congregational events. They need your prayers. They need you to talk to them. They might also live a long way away from their family. They want to be invited to things, but might not want to go to everything.They might have a baby and need a meal.

You see, we all have different vocations. Our husbands might have a job with odd hours, or work from home, get laid off, or a number of things. Work might be smooth sailing or stressful. Our family might be close (and in our house way more than we'd like; kind of like a fishbowl, but for the locals); our family might be far. Our stress might be high due to a variety of things, but we all suffer; we all have joys. 

Instead of pitting ourselves against our neighbor, let's rejoice with them in the good times and mourn with them in the bad times. 

Or at least, bring cookies.