I read somewhere a few years ago about being an intentional parent. The author wrote about deciding what you want the outcome to be and using that to decide how you would parent. While immediately upon reading it I liked the idea, it has taken me a while to figure out my main two goals. I could have stopped my plan of action at teaching my children about God and our faith, and for a while that is where I was at. I want my children to be Christians, so I teach them about my faith. That would be intentional parenting. Recently though, I've gotten more specific.
A little background info: I went to the Pastor's Wives Retreat this past September. Everyone who attends is given the opportunity to have a one hour counseling session with one of two trained professionals. They have come to the retreats for many, many years. When they first started doing this, they wondered if one hour was worth anything, but the women begged them to continue providing this. I decided to go even though I had no idea what I was going to talk about. When my counselor asked me what I came to talk about, I told her I had no clue. She started asking me questions about my life and discovered what she said is true about pretty much everyone. I have my boundaries a little messed up. (If you are interested in this topic, I recommended the book Boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend. I have not read it, but I have read its companion, which was really good.) One of the aspects of having boundaries set appropriately has to do with where I find my worth. My worth should be found in Christ, not in what other think about me, not in who comes to my party, not in what so-and-so says, etc.... While that is easy to say, try living that way. My guess is that sometimes what so-and-so says hurts. That is where the boundary being messed up comes in. Since talking about this subject, I've come across articles on finding my worth in Christ, heard songs about it, etc.... It seems to have popped up everywhere.
I had a long discussion with David and my mom trying to figure stuff out about how David and I are raising our kids recently. I was observing things about the way that we do things and how it affects our children. I really wanted to figure out if I liked the way that we were affecting our kids, which I do, and if changing things would change the outcome. I went on and on and on to each of them. Finally after much yapping, I figured out what I was trying to figure out. Honestly, I didn't know where I was going when I started, I just knew that I had to work through something. In the end, what I came up with was what my parenting goal is. I want my kids to find their self-worth in Christ and to be respectful of God. The respectful of God part could really be a whole post on its own, so I'll save that for another day. It has to do with following God's laws, not being greedy, being kind to others, etc..., but my idea on it also has to do with where and how that is learned. Anyway...
I was thinking about my goals of parenting this way:
God wants to protect me from the burglar, but He also wants me to lock the door. In the same way, God wants my children to find their worth in Him and be respectful to Him, but He also gave them parents to teach them this.
When I think about parenting in this way, it brings a whole new dimension to the table for me. God has gifted me my children and also the ability to teach them, and he expects me to use that ability. The word "expects" really makes me feel the importance of my job.
This entire concept of teaching my children to find their worth in Christ and to respect God has really molded how I've been thinking about lots of things when it comes to parenting recently. Now, to pray that God will fill in the large holes that I leave in my parenting with His love because it is far more perfect that I can even imagine.
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